Funny Quotes

What do a dwarf and a midget have in common? Very little.
My ex is a famous porn star.She’ll go mental when she finds out!
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.
A recent report suggests that a mans favorite place to be kissed is on his ears. I think it’s nuts.
It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.
Alcohol is never the answer……Unless the question is: “What is C2H5OH?”
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn’t doing the same thing.
When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

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